


Source Devine

by VincentsEyebrows



Category: Placebo (UK Band)
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Mild Fluff, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 06:44:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13969548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VincentsEyebrows/pseuds/VincentsEyebrows
Summary: He walked down the alley and then the next one. If he takes the next right turn, he will probably be met by one of London’s central roads.





	Source Devine

**Author's Note:**

> This came to mind while listening to Blind and was written on impulse lmao please enjoy!!

Brian opened his heavy eyelids and took in his surroundings, an environment that he didn’t quite recognise but still managed to feel familiar to him. He took in the form of an alley that was awfully similar to the one under his and Stefan’s house, but somehow it felt foreign. He planted his pale hands to the ground and pushed his upper half up, a quiet groan leaving him as he brought himself into a sitting position. His waist hurt and he wondered if he fell and bruised himself there. “Stef?” He called out, having heard a noise and having felt a familiar presence. Yet no one was there. He was completely alone.

It was the first time that he had seen London so quiet, so empty. There probably wasn’t a single person around. Had there been some sort of evacuation that everybody had forgotten to tell him about? He laughed at himself. No one would tell him about that, but at least Stefan would. Maybe he didn’t know either. He dragged himself to his feet and had to push himself into the nearest wall to support his weight. He looked at his legs, the pain that tore through his bones was too vivid. There wasn’t any wound or bruise, so he figured it must had been the humidity. He never had a problem with humidity, but that was the most possible explanation he could come up with. “Stef!” He yelled, a little louder. He couldn’t hear anyone.

He walked down the alley and then the next one. If he takes the next right turn, he will probably be met by one of London’s central roads.

Brian stared dumbfounded at the scenery that spread in front of him. What he saw wasn’t an endless field of concrete and polluted water. What he saw looked more like heaven. White sand sank under the soles of his combat boots and a gentle breeze caressed his cold face. In front of him spread an endless ocean, waves gently splashing against the sore. His confused eyes tried to take everything in, to look between the thin line that separated pavement from sand. There was stormy weather clouding over the city, which just happened to disappear as soon as he stepped into the beach. He wanted to feel the water soothe his aching feet, to cool down his fervent body. He dropped down to the ground and undid the shoelaces of his combat boots, which he kicked off with eagerness. He run to the water as if he was drown to it, coolness hitting his feet all the way up to his ankles. It was a pleasant, numbening feeling. His hands burned, so he knelt into the water and dipped them inside as well. His mind was absorbed now and he was trying to pat around for seashells to give to Stefan.

A cold hand cupped his cheek and Brian’s heart froze. He was alone a moment ago, the touch had come from the front, but all that lay in front of him was the sea. He rose his head and his eyes narrowed in desperation. What did he want from him again? Why was that person there?

Brian drew himself to his feet, confusion set deep within his frowning expression. “Why are you here?” He asked, his arms soon to wrap around himself in a protective manner.

“I’m here because you are.” The figure whispered to him, his hands coming to find Brian’s and grasp them tightly. “You finally came. You kept saying you would, but you never showed up.”

Brian bit his lower lip and tried to pull his hands back, but the figure held him tight by the wrists. “I know you’re lonely.” Brian whispered, his eyes searching the man in front of him. “But I can’t be here for you.” He knew that this should had been frightening him, but in a way, it wasn’t. The man stood there, holding his wrists, was no one other than himself. Wearing the same short dress as he did, having the same hair and the very same makeup. It was like a mirror view of himself.

His reflection smiled gently and nodded. “I know you can’t, but you’re probably here to stay. You have never crossed the pavement so far.” The figure let go and crouched into the water by his side, wanting to create a bit of a familiar feeling. “You have a performance next week, don’t you?”

“I do.” Brian smiled faintly, his brain felt like it had a hard time concentrating to his surroundings, a dizzying feeling spiked through him. He wondered when was the last time that he had eaten. His body swayed a little and he felt the urge to faint. Suddenly, his air was knocked out of his lungs and he felt a pain so intense that his body fell back and jerked. His entire body pressed into the water now and his eyes rolled back. His double grabbed at his shoulders and shook him, yelled at him and tried to keep him awake.

“Brian! Wake up, you’re alright.” The reflection held his cheeks and washed cold water over his face. The man kissed Brian’s head and held him tightly, until he felt a loud exhale against his chest.

Brian’s eyes rolled around and he breathed out, air finally washing through his lungs again. “I’m alright, I’m fine.” He whispered, hands pressing into his eyes. “I should go, this is not alright.”

The figure held his hand tightly. “Just a bit more. Wait here.”

Brian could feel the water burn around him, the temperature changing like he was thrown into a crock pot. “Let go, it fucking hurts.” Brian yanked his hand back and pulled himself out of the water. He started running across the beach in order to get away and he knew that his figure was following him. Another pang in the chest and Brian was on the ground, screaming as his chest was wrecked with pain. The clouds traveled from the city and the beach became moody, water threatened to fall over them from a different source.

“Don’t run! You’ll hurt yourself!” The figure yelled as he shook Brian, his eyes filled with tears as he saw the real side of himself ache on the ground.

Brian pulled himself up even though he couldn’t breathe. He started running again, he needed to find Stefan before the rain caught up to him. He run and run, he felt rocks dig into his feet and cut into his skin but he couldn’t stop running. There, on the very end of the beach he saw a tall figure, standing lone and solemnly. He wouldn’t mistake that posture, ever. “Stef! Stef!” He was screaming, fear having settled deep within his his gut. The Swede looked at him and extended his arms, his warm brown eyes begging him to reach him in time. Yet he didn’t move, he didn’t speak. Brian sprinted in spite the pain in his chest, he stared into Stefan’s eyes, he reached his hands out–

He started hearing beeping noises come from the sky, screaming voices started echoing from the city behind Stefan.

_“Raise the volume!”_

_“His heart won’t take it!”_

_“Raise it! 3…”_

Brian wasn’t close enough to Stefan yet, his eyes filled with tears as he ran and ran, but his figure kept getting further away from him.

_“...2...”_

Two more steps and he caught Stefan’s hand, their wide eyes fixing into one another’s–

_“...1!”_

Brian gasped out loud and his head fell back, his chest drawn to the electricity that hit his chest like a brick. The first thing his eyes adjusted into was Stefan’s, brown, warm and comforting.

eyes forever glued to mine…

He heard yelling from all over around him, two doctors were on the floor, panting and wide eyed as the others did their best to give him the right attention to keep him conscious, to keep him alive. All he could search for was Stefan in that mess, his panicked eyes looking for some desperate source of comfort.

A hand took hold of his own and he looked up through his barely open eyelids– Everything was coming back to him.

  
_Brian smiled one of his drunken grins to Stefan, hand holding on his beer can loosely. “Steffie, how long has it been since we last fucked?” The older leaned into his lover’s chest._

_Stefan laughed as he wrapped his arm around Brian’s narrow shoulders. “Mm, about three hours.”_

_“Noo way!” Brian said with his wide eyes. “It’s much longer, you’re lying, Steffie…” he whined, his cold fingertips grabbing at the Swede’s shirt and pulling it up with his hands._

_“Get a room, fags!” The voice of a man echoed throughout the alley that they were currently crossing._

_Brian pulled himself away from Stefan and threw his beer can to the ground. “This fag could kick your face in, asshole!”_

_“What did he say?” Another voice echoed through the narrow passage and Brian found himself lighting a cigarette nonchalantly._

_“I said, this fag could kick your face in.” Brian repeated, his eyes adjusting to the approaching figures as they passed underneath a street light. There were three of them._

_Stefan felt his eyes widen at the building tension and he grabbed at Brian’s forearm. “Brian, let’s leave, fuck this.” The Swede tried to pull him to the other end of the alley, but there came another couple of men before he could initiate the movement._

_Four hands grabbed violently at Stefan and before he knew it he was on the ground, a shoe keeping his cheek to the ground and a set of hands holding his arms behind his back. He jerked as he saw strangers walking towards a Brian that was too intoxicated to understand the danger of the situation._

_Wood clicked into the ground and made a few tracing sounds. Brian stepped in front of the man with the baseball bat and exhaled smoke to his face. “What’s up, big boy? Can’t fight without your fucking toy?” Brian knew that the best he could do was provoke the man until he dropped his weapon, but this guy seemed like too much of an airhead._

_Brian eased his eyes shut and in a moment, he was punching the stranger in the face, his cigarette falling on the wet ground of London city. The fight broke out in a matter of seconds. The bat was up and the guy’s friends were already grabbing at Brian’s arms and twisting them behind his back. Stefan’s screams for Brian’s echoed through the alley but the heavy downpour only served in hushing them._

_Brian’s body hit the pavement and he tried to gather himself to his hands and knees, only to be hit on the back of the head with renewed viciousness. His face slammed into the ground and he felt his surroundings spin. The bat rammed against his spine so many times that he couldn’t feel any bit of his muscles anymore. When the guys pulled back in their own kind of hateful retreat, he pulled himself to his side and tried his best to look at them. He merely spat out blood at their shoes._

_“Brian! Stop provoking them, for fuck’s sake!” Stefan growled out and tried to jerk his body free, and he only received a kick on the head in response. He tried to keep the groan in, but he couldn’t. His eyes opened wide as he heard a series of cusses come from his partner._

_Brian was in a sitting position, held up by the arms since his back hurt too much to support his weight. A hand grabbed at his ankle and he tried kicking it away, but his leg was pressed to the ground by the other man’s foot._

_“You better not walk around this neighbourhood again.”_

_The stranger’s bat collided with the bone of his leg so hard Brian’s head jerked back and he started screaming in pain that only a broken bone would produce. In his daze and breathy sobs, his other leg was grabbed and Brian started jerking with his entire weight, despair feeling his eyes as he watched the bat go down again. This time he cried Stefan’s name, his body went limp and he just broke into and endless pattern of sobbing. He could already feel his legs swelling up. He tried to draw them to himself, but the moment he looked down, he was kicked in the jaw and his eyes rolled back in pain. He was practically hanging limply from the strangers’ arms, his body aching too much to handle its own weight. The man’s friends let him to the ground and then everything were blank. They were punching his face in turns, until he could feel blood flow into his mouth and out of his nose and his eyes just closed in excruciating pain._

_“Hold him up!” The man with the bat instructed again and Brian’s body that felt heavy like a sack was pulled up ungracefully. His head had rolled back by now and all he could do was throw a small glance at Stefan. He couldn’t move the muscles of his face and smile, so he tried to mouth the words “I love you.”_

_The bat hit Brian’s face so hard that his head snapped to the side and he felt everything blacking out. He heard Stefan’s desperate screams for help as he breathed heavy and tried to focus on his surroundings for one last moment before he slipped. His eyes fixed into the Swede’s, gaze intense in the muted silence that curled around his ears. The gaze held so many emotions, so many desperate little words that were left unsaid. The bat came crushing down his head for one last time and the corners of his vision started darkening. He vaguely felt his body fall to the ground, his surroundings spun and he felt cold._

_The last thing he felt was Stefan grasping his body and sobbing as he sunk into an endless sea of blackness._

When Brian opened his eyes again, he looked around in sheer confusion. He tried to lift his head but it felt heavy. He looked at his arms that were connected with tubes and cables to all sort of machinery. The first thing he felt were soft lips against his forehead and he just knew it was Stefan. His bloodshot eyes did their best to express what he felt, because his mouth was covered by an oxygen mask.

“You made it, baby, you made it.” Stefan whispered into Brian’s ear, not wanting to be too loud and shock him in his state of sleepiness. Stefan caressed his wrist with outmost care, his eyes soft with sympathy and love.

It was a look that Brian had never before received in his life. “You waited for me.” Was all that he could whisper, unsure himself of what he meant. It was probably related to the hallucinations from the beach.

“I’ll always wait for you.” Stefan whispered, voice soft and the smile of his face conveying outmost gentleness.

Brian felt his eyes heavy again, but this time he knew that he would wake up and see Stefan. “I love you, Steffie.” He whispered, half awake, half asleep. And Stefan never felt warmer in his life.


End file.
